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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26313871">Cum Toast</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWeirdDuck/pseuds/AWeirdDuck'>AWeirdDuck</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other, Request Meme, Self-Insert</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:00:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26313871</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWeirdDuck/pseuds/AWeirdDuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I have never read Homestuck please this is just a joke taken too far please mock me for my sins</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cum Toast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Well it was a day at the place where the Trolls (?) lurk</p>
<p>Or maybe not.</p>
<p>We might never truly know where they are at the moment. Actually probably in the human world cause I have no idea how this world works.</p>
<p>It was a perfectly real and legit and not off at all the house they lived in which only had a kitchen and dining room. </p>
<p>"D-&gt; Dear you must be starved...."</p>
<p>Equius chirped out loud with his typing quirk so that we know who is talking when I'm too lazy to do proper transitions. </p>
<p>"I've only simply just woken up!" You uttered with a hop in your step. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes with your bedhead as crazy as a wasp nest. </p>
<p>"D-&gt; It's noon though.... you've slept so long.. that's so strange! Or maybe not... human biology is weird..."</p>
<p>"Why are you talking like that?" You uttered out loud. "I thought you were an uwu soft boy not a deranged scientist." </p>
<p>"D-&gt; Don't worry about it. Toast?" </p>
<p>Of course you accepted the toast. Nobody can say no to toast. Was he always wearing an apron? You squinted as you tried to tell if he was wearing anything underneath. Jeez okay what do you need glasses or something I said you're squinting not popping the eyes out of your skull. </p>
<p>"This is great!" You exclaimed.</p>
<p>"D-&gt; You didn't even eat it yet."</p>
<p>Your blindness seems to extent past your vision to you actions it seems. Taking a real big NOM out of your toast you grinned. Beaming like a laser about to wipe out a small village. </p>
<p>"OH BLUE!~" You practically moaned cause this fanfic is sexual I guess. "My FAVORITE spread~"</p>
<p>"D-&gt; Oh yeah?"</p>
<p>"Yeah~" </p>
<p>Nervous the horse man troll person I dunno shifted nervously. Running a hand through his stark black straight as cis christian republican boy hair. As soft as it looks don't be fooled it has the texture of straw. </p>
<p>"D-&gt; I'm glad you like it... it... it took so much to make it...." </p>
<p>Blushing the same color as the assumed jam on your toast you couldn't help but smirk up at him as he started to sweat waterfalls and this became a run on sentence. </p>
<p>"I could... go for another slice....~" </p>
<p>"D-&gt; OH! Oh uh... I mean...." </p>
<p>Grinning that shy smile of his that he often hid because of the missing teeth he is self conscious about he rubbed at the back of his head. </p>
<p>"D-&gt; ... there's just... something I need to tell you...." </p>
<p>"Whatever could it be honey horse?" You would call him a honey bun but he isn't a bunny he is a horse obviously. </p>
<p>"D-&gt; That isn't b100berry jam..." He admitted while somehow saying his typing quirk out loud. </p>
<p>"Oh I know~"</p>
<p>"D-&gt; You.... WHAT"</p>
<p>"It's raspberry."</p>
<p>"D-&gt; ..... I... uh.... yes! It is." He then does whatever his smile emoji is please I don't know it I know they all have their own smile emoji but I don't know his and I am unwilling to look it up right now cause I don't feel like it. </p>
<p>".... just like the jolly ranchers...." </p>
<p>He blinked for he did not know what those are. Or maybe he does and is his just blinking. I actually don't know if he even needs to blink honestly. Wait he has shades on I forgot about that till now FRICK </p>
<p>Whatever he blinked you felt it in your soul somehow cause yall or soulmates or something or whatever term yall use when in love in this fandom look it's cute but I don't know it </p>
<p>"D-&gt; Actually... I have to be honest with you..." </p>
<p>Slowly he raised his hands up to his shades that were totally always there for this entire scene to now take them off so I don't have to worry about them anymore. Then tenderly... agonizingly slow at a snails pace... and not one of those racing snails in undertale like a dead snail... he started to undo the knot of his apron which you're just now noticing was just barely hiding an eyebrow raising buldgy wuldgy. </p>
<p>"Oh... oH OH!!!" You scream in excitement for your horny hormones make you head empty no thought. Curse of horny. </p>
<p>This is also when you notice the bright blue drops drizzled upon the kitchen til floor... sweat smeared all over the expensive gradient counters... teeth marks still faintly able to be seen on the back of his hands...</p>
<p>Oh yes you think. It's all coming together. </p>
<p>In that very moment he tears away his apron in a single sudden dramatic SWOOSH to reveal his GIGANTIC absolutely THROBBING massive quivering [REDACTED] </p>
<p>[If you want an actual smut scene beg for it]</p>
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